Nanny Reference Checks: How to Verify Past Experience

Reference checks are the most underutilized tool in the nanny hiring process. Roughly 40% of families skip them entirely or treat them as a formality, asking one or two surface-level questions and moving on. This is a costly oversight. A 15-minute reference call can reveal patterns that months of employment will eventually expose: reliability under pressure, communication style, how the nanny handles conflict, and whether they actually performed the duties they claim.

This guide provides a complete framework for conducting reference checks that yield genuinely useful information, including the specific questions to ask, how to interpret diplomatic responses, and the red flags that should make you reconsider a candidate. It is part of our broader nanny hiring guide.

Who to Contact

Request references from the candidate's two most recent nanny positions. If the candidate has been with one family for more than five years, supplement with an additional professional reference from further back or a relevant personal reference such as a former colleague in a childcare setting.

Important guidelines:

• Always contact references directly using the phone number or email you find independently, not the one provided by the candidate. Written reference letters are easily fabricated and should not substitute for direct conversation.
• Speak with the primary parent who managed the nanny day to day, not a secondary contact who had limited interaction.
• Request both parents if possible. Perspectives can differ, and speaking with both provides a more complete picture.
• Verify the reference's identity. At minimum, confirm that the person you are speaking with actually employed the candidate for the dates claimed.

The Reference Check Questions

Structure your reference call as a 15-minute conversation with questions progressing from factual verification to behavioral assessment.

Opening and Verification (2-3 minutes)

1. Can you confirm the dates [Candidate Name] worked for your family?
2. What were the ages of your children during her/his employment?
3. What were the nanny's primary responsibilities?
4. What was the typical schedule? (Full-time, part-time, live-in)

Performance and Behavior (5-7 minutes)

5. Can you describe a typical day in your household with [Candidate Name]?
6. Tell me about a specific time she/he handled a difficult situation with your children well.
7. Were there areas where you wished the nanny had performed differently?
8. How did the nanny communicate with you about your children's day? Was the level of communication sufficient?
9. How did the nanny handle discipline or behavioral challenges with your children?
10. Was the nanny punctual and reliable? Were there issues with attendance?

Relationship and Departure (3-5 minutes)

11. How would you describe the nanny's relationship with your children?
12. Did the nanny take initiative, or did she/he need frequent direction?
13. Why did the nanny leave your employment?
14. Is there anything you wish you had known before hiring this nanny?
15. Would you rehire this person without hesitation?

How to Read Between the Lines

Most people are uncomfortable giving negative references. They will hint at problems rather than state them directly. Learning to decode these signals is critical.

Signals of a Strong Reference

• Immediate, enthusiastic responses without qualification
• Specific examples and detailed stories (not vague generalities)
• Unsolicited positive comments ("Let me tell you one more thing...")
• Genuine warmth and affection when discussing the nanny's relationship with their children
• An unequivocal "yes" to the rehire question

Signals of Concern

• Hesitation before answering suggests the reference is choosing words carefully to avoid being directly negative
• Qualified praise: "She was good... when she was on." This is not a compliment.
• Redirecting to positives when asked about weaknesses: "Well, she was always very sweet." A direct answer about areas for improvement is healthier than deflection.
• Vague answers to specific questions: "It was fine" or "We got along okay" in response to questions about daily communication
• Declining to answer the rehire question or saying "I would recommend her for certain families" (translation: not for yours)
• Short, clipped responses with no elaboration. When someone has had a genuinely positive experience, they naturally share details.

Common Mistakes in Reference Checking

Mistake 1: Asking Only Yes/No Questions

"Was she reliable?" invites a simple "yes" that tells you nothing. "Can you describe a time when reliability was tested, such as when plans changed at the last minute?" forces a specific example.

Mistake 2: Accepting Written Letters in Place of Calls

Written reference letters can be fabricated, are always positive (no one writes a negative letter), and prevent follow-up questions. They are acceptable as supplements but never as substitutes for direct conversation.

Mistake 3: Contacting Only One Reference

One positive reference is insufficient. Different families have different dynamics, and a nanny who thrived in one household may have struggled in another. Two references is the minimum; three is ideal.

Mistake 4: Not Verifying the Reference's Identity

Candidates have been known to provide friends or family members posing as former employers. Verify the reference independently through a quick online search, LinkedIn check, or by confirming details that only a genuine employer would know.

When References Are Mixed

What do you do when one reference is glowing and the other is lukewarm? This is more common than families expect, and it is not necessarily disqualifying. Consider the context: Was the weaker reference from a family with a very different setup than yours? Were there personality differences that might not apply to your household? Was the candidate at a different stage of their career during that position?

If references are mixed, consider requesting an additional reference to break the tie. You can also address the discrepancy directly with the candidate: "I noticed some differences in what your references shared. Can you help me understand what happened at [Family Name]?" Their response, both content and composure, provides additional information.

Reference checks should complement your other screening steps, including a thorough background check and a structured interview using our recommended questions. Together, these three components provide a comprehensive picture of the candidate.